LISTS // DREAMS

I have found myself recently asking myself what do I want to be when I grow up? Even my 88 year old grandfather in his 70's would tell me he still didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up. Too bad my matter-of-fact thinking couldn't make sense of his statement. He was a retired Black Hawk helicopter engineer and he still had dreams of being more than retired.

This week's list is your childhood dream jobs and your current dream jobs. To me, a job isn't just what pays the bills it's purpose or as some would say your calling. My list constantly changes these days. I decided childhood lasted until college graduation and current dream jobs are what I have been feeling since then.

I notice a huge theme in all my dream jobs from pre-college graduation and presently. I want to be creative and I want to love on people. When I am feeling the worst about myself or feeling like I am being a terrible person, I have a few mommas in my life that remind me that I am the opposite of a terrible person.  They tell me that I have a huge heart, who just wants to give to everyone I meet.  God knows the desires of my heart. He knows I love to love on his daughters. He knows I want to love on my own daughters or sons. He knows I still want to be a creative. He knows I want to be a counselor. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will act. - Psalm 37:3-5

We all have dream jobs. We can dream, plan and take action to make our dreams happen. I am happy to be content. My husband is always dreaming of future endeavors, projects and goals (he's totally a vision casting kind of guy). I am the queen of loving consistency and security. I am celebrating 3-years at my current position tomorrow. It's been 3-years of learning, growing and fun. While its not job related, the best part of my job is that I met my current husband because of it. Had I not accepted this position, moved from Connecticut and met a random stranger on a designer's meet-up site, I would not be married.

My dream, my biggest desire of my heart is to be a mom. I no longer feel like I have to keep it this big secret that I want to be a mom. Anyone who meets me knows I have an oversized momma's heart. I have been a babysitter, nanny, big sister since I was 12. I have held and rocked more babies to sleep than I can count. I have kissed boo-boo's, built forts and prayed scary dreams away with many little ones. It scares me to think that there are kids I used to babysit that have graduated high school! Sometimes my friends call me the baby/child whisperer. My husband fell in love with that part of me and longs to see that desire filled.

But, until the Lord fulfills that specific desire I am called to befriend faithfulness and commit my way to him in my right now. For me personally, I feel as though faithfulness and dreams go hand in hand. Maybe its my attitude that one must work hard to make things happen. Maybe its the fact that my Top 5 strengths* are: Strategic, Responsibility, Relator, Focus & Empathy. I value being content in whatever I am doing. What I mean by that is, it's tiresome to keep looking at greener grasses and longing for what roles others have all your days. It's alright to have dreams and aspirations, but until those come to fruition- we must be committed and be faithful.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. - Philippians 2:14-15

My phone lock screen has been set to that verse for over two months. Something I have learned in my 26 years alive, its better to be caught speaking good than speaking ugly. You know what, it's super hard not to fall into the complaining department. Honestly, I am a critical thinker who analyzes everything and seemingly believes my solution HAS to be better (pride). In this new year, I have put it upon myself to grumble less, second-guess less and question (with the intent of proving wrong) less. So far I have noticed that its mentally easier for me to be amiable and flexible. The real litmus test of any change is my husband, friends and co-workers.

If I have learned anything in the past week, is that this specific season of life will blow over. I don't have to hold my identity to the right now- I just have to stay faithful to what/how/where God is pushing me.

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Thank you again Moorea-Seal for challenging me to reach deeper. This 52-Lists thing is a bit of a conversation starter. If you have any groups/parties coming up, I would totally recommend downloading a few of these lists to get the conversations started. 



*Strengths Based Leadership- is a great book I got introduced to in college. While I mocked it when in school, I actually am glad I went to a college that encouraged us to find our strengths and understand them. I didn't realize how many people have not been trained up to use their strengths. I will be re-visiting this book this week. When you purchase a book, you get an access code to take their 45-minute long strengths finder test.